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黄庆山（莱芜诗人.中华诗词学会会员),中华诗词论坛高级管理专员

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黄山独秀、泰山独尊,东岳顽石、千古文刻、国石敢当。现实主义、纪实风格

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【原创】一七令.雪

2013-01-24 20:25:17| 分类： [新作]词曲卷 | 标签： |举报 |字号大中小订阅

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一七令.雪（词林正韵130124）

文\泰石

雪

梨花，琼蝶，

枉冰清，空玉洁。

落魄凄淡，游魂凛冽。

天日骤风欺，人间皑影灭。

瑶池送来飞片，旨意沦为碎屑。

化成滴水更溶情，凝结气团能锈铁。

注：网上查阅较多新作摆在那里，但90%都存在问题，主要为格律问题：1、失对（应句句未对仗）。2、出韵（用韵混乱）。3、含意平淡（太表面化）。4、重字。这首词应按律诗标准下笔，故随笔填了一首，望行家指正。

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